meditation; the observer and the belly button – poem

Part 1: The transition
When the sun rises it is spring, a new day has sprung
Then the sun sails north, resting in the clouds it is summer in the sky
Gently cycling the sun circles down, the fall has come
A time of transition
The light turns to night
The doings of the day are done
Now is the time for being one

But first, a prayer


I am sorry for my transgressions, the ways in which I have hurt others.  I take responsibility for my actions and the actions of every person.  I am all those faces, I am all the people who hurt.  I am rape.   I am the needless red murder of a child by fire.  I am the victim human trafficking, hear my screams.  I am a rapist.  I am Stalin.  I apologize because I am one with it all.  And I ask forgiveness.  On my knee’s I repent on behalf of my brothers and sisters.  I apologize and take the blame for the sins of men and women.  Then I ask for forgiveness.  Forgive me for my doings, in this life, the one before, and the one after.  I thank you for your forgiveness.  I thank you for life. I love you. 

I’m sorry

I ask for forgiveness

Thank you

I love you

I heal, we heal, we are whole when we are one

there is but one problem, one self, one love

The meditation

I enter my home
a sacred space, calm energy, adorned with symbols of meaning and signs of the divine
The lights are off, the candles are on
Illuminated by the soft roar of the flame
its time to remember why I came here, to this place, to this face, to this earth, to this birth
As I transition from doing to Being I let go of my conditioned patterns
First a free my movement
Usually we walk in straight lines, move in one direction, one plane, its insane and rigid
we have frigid bodies that beg to dance
I remove my pants and proceed to trance
unsequentially and intuitively moving joints in their full range of motion
exploring the sphere of my surrounding, turning my legs in the most alien and awkward poses and exploring vocalizations
I engage in the (in)voluntary act of speaking in tongues
sounds for the sake of sound, without meaning or purpose, just free expression
opening up the throat, moving the tongue in novel ways
unconsciously choosing to move now
to vibrate
shake things up
jiggle tensions away
yell a bit
fart without blinking
blink without farting
Crying without worry
releasing without resistance
breaking down without despair
pull my hair, stimulate my head
massage my body, massage my organs
rub my dick, get hard and helicopter
no shame, no ejaculation
full body orgasm
let it all fall limp now
kundilini; kriya
tai chi chuan
jedi mindtricks for ya’ll padewons
I see the force, I feel the light, and I dance in the darkness
my body is the microcosm of the macrocosm, my brain is the heavens, my neurons are the stars
my body is the earth, my heart is fire, the same flame that lies in your heart and that is why I know we are one, one heart, one beat, one breath
As I become fully absorbed in my play I lose myself in the drama
I die in the dance
I am reborn with every breath
I die with every exhale, letting go and giving in
Leaving myself open, I am receptive like a woman reclined with legs open
My divine feminine dances
Part 2: immersion
Chi is flowing, blood is flowing, energy is growing, awareness lives in every cell
the mind is calm, the emotions have been opened and released
tensions are minute, my movements are fluid
I move with such grace, most people hold tensions, holding on for years and years
I carry as much tension as a baby bouncing on his mothers knee
The I that resolves to dissolve is not the I that solves problems
The one who entered this song, is not the same soul who is dancing
coming now into silent meditation I simply observe the breath
watching its movement

something peculiar is happening

no longer am I breathing the breath
I am simply observing the breath as it breathes itself
No longer am I identified with my emotions, so I watch them from above, as if I’ve been lifted up
I am not my body
I am not my mind
I see myself as if from a higher perspective
a higher Self
from self to SELF
I am what I am
I am my identification
If I am identified with my emotions, caught up in their energy, absorbed in embodying my actions without observation I am lost in them
Yet there is another way
you are your awareness
You can expand your awareness and your identification
You can be it all
Do you know what its like to be a star?
Shining the light of world for all to see
Do you wish to be a tree? Stable in meditation, breathing pure life energy
Do you wish to know what its like to be me? Look in my heart and come see
we are all connected
If I am not my body, my mind, my emotions…if I am not the individual and limited perspective of self I walk around with, I never was, and I can never die
This Self, this higher self, this state of being…There is insight here
knowledge beyond books
intuitive understanding beyond the beyond
When i get out of my own way, when I stop listening to experts, when I decondition my programming I connect with the light within, I am without problems
Rest here in eternity, and there is no fear
The answers aren’t all revealed, but trust the oversoul and the path is clear
guided and gifted
letting go is giving way to god
Or perhaps gods
or no god at all
the mouth noises don’t matter
praise dog
The infinite is not the limited
The word is a symbol pointing towards the divine, it is not the divine
The divine is in all things
or not
once again, just words
Its possible to make meaning of meaningless patterns
Its possible to cause problems when all is perfect
problems give us an identity, we cling to our problems as if they were part of our person
giving up your problems is as hard as giving up your coffee
people find it hard to give up anything they have been conditioned to do repetitively, even if its harmful, even if its positive
give your life away and receive everything
the more you have the less meaningful each individual thing becomes
Have a few things, and those things are not taken for granted, they are special
you won’t toss them away, like you toss away last years clothes, last years model car, or yesterdays friends
i remember the day I gave my life away
I remember the day I said fuck it
I’ll just do what my heart wants
If I become poor so be it
If I am hated so be it
Ill speak my truth
I’ll speak without filter, it will get me in trouble, I will speak untrue things, and I will hurt people… but I will learn from my mistakes. I won’t try and be a good person, I won’t try and be a bad person
I don’t try
I don’t care
By not trying to be a good person based on what I’ve read or heard or seen, then there is room for the intuitive intelligence of the higher Self to act through me
I simply dance
and sing
make art
and play with my belly button

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