Waking up to your ghost

 

The day you died, I died
I could not cry – numb, like a burn so deep that it severs the nerves
opens wounds and acid
A hurt so deep that I can’t sleep
Insomnia and anorexia
I see you there, laying next to me, but your gone
Catatonia and anaphylaxis
where are you now?
I call out from my empty bones into the empty room, your not here to hear my cries, your a book lies about love

There is no greater gift than waking up next to your love
There is no greater ill than waking up and finding them dead

It was a day, like any other
I flutter my eyes open to find myself covered in layers, laying with my lover
The bed is colder than usual, and my heart begins to beat slow and loud
I go to touch you
no response.
I can hear myself repeating your name, my voice is frail ice
You have no expression on your face, you’ve replaced your eye’s with glass
I struggle and claw to keep your lids open, where are you?
Frantic and shaking my spirit draws away from my skin
Your gone and i’m becoming thin
My tears are your blood

You’re not dead
You’re not dead
Wake up
Wake up

My body moves but I’m feeling nothing
I’m a ragdoll, i’m not even human
I could kill and feel nothing, I could be killed and a black smile would graze this porcelin face
The paramedics comes and take your body away
The grim reaper already stole your soul
I’m in the corner crying, what kind of good-bye is this?
You didn’t even kiss me good night, now you leave me without light
Sweet nightmares
How could you leave me like this?
You can’t take my fucking heart and soar to the heavens and kick to me to the dirt in this hell
You can’t do this to our children
They need their father
I can’t do this without you

You can tell me I’ll heal, and I’ll feel again, but for now fuck you, you don’t know what its like to die before you die
You don’t know what it’s to swim in an ocean of poison emotion, the black water stench seeps into every pour, and horror happens with every breath I take, it’s an earthquake and I’m trapped in the house we built together, now it’s all falling down on me

Food has no flavour without love
life has no meaning without you

You are my one and only
Remember when you told me our love was written in the stars?
It was the day we met, the same day you interrupted our conversation in the middle of my sentence to kiss me
Why did you do this to me?
You gave me everything, safety, security, and romance
You put me in trance, and now you leave me to dance with death
How macabre

Remember our trip to Peruvian rainforest, when I twisted my ankle and you carried me back to our tent
You said you’d carry me till you can’t stand no more
I’m here on my knee’s, please
I can’t carry on without you

I see people on the street, simply being sweet, and i’m sick in the head, wishing they were dead
Forgive me, I’m not myself
I’m traumatized, I realize
I can see why serial killers take the lives of others, what hurt must live in their hearts
And in that moment before I’ve been able to cry for myself, I cry for them

A single tear of love for another human
With a single drop of water I’m returned to the great ocean
Flooded with emotion, a motion of energy surrounds me as if angels on high have descended
I can see you there
You’re not gone
You reach your arms around me and hold me one last time
Your no ghost, your made of golden light
You say nothing as you slowly fade away, you simply point to my heart
No words need to be said, you never left me, you never will
In my heart you’ll always reside

You will always be my love
My greatest teacher, teaching me to love even the one’s society thinks are sick
It was your time, but not mine
I’m going to heal, I’m going to feel into every dark hole in my heart and seal it with love

No tear ever falls in vain
It’s on its way back to the ocean
The depths of my suffering is the measure of my love
When you died, I thought I died, now I know that before you died, I was barely alive
I’ll love you always

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