Maintaining and Deepening Intimacy

The depth and heights of intimacy express our whole being in relationship.

Intimacy is a sacred fire that takes continual tending.

This article explores 5 ways to maintain and deepen intimacy.
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1. The four directions: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual
2. Deep listening – pauses
3. 24/7 Awareness
4. Self-work
5. Love
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6. The four directions: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual

The four directions refer to the various layers of your being, from the gross physical matter to the subtle mental body, and even to the spiritual dimension of your soul, or the intangible aspect of your being that is closest to divine source. The plenum of intimacy is when we encounter an individual who meets us across all domains. Thus, a prerequisite for the highest level of intimacy is that we cultivate an intimacy within ourselves to know our depths and heights (aspect 4: self-work).

The spiritual or soul level relationship will be one of the most sacred encounters of learning and experiencing. It is possible to meet someone on the spiritual level, but not in the other directions. Or, in the context of a partner, you may begin with a soul connection, and you may be able to meet and be met mentally, and emotionally, but less so physical, and because of the strength of the soul connection, aspects of your being and body will adjust and reprogram to align to the soul’s blueprint and thus if the soul connection is strong, it is possible to overcome any lesser dimension.

When in relationship with an individual who CAN meet you on all levels, it does not mean they always will be. That is the dance of relationship…it is about being capable of adjusting your frequency to meet them at the level they are on…and there will be times when one will raise the level, or the lower the level, and through these fluctuations there is great learning.

To stay in tune, one need to cultivate a deep listening.

2. Deep Listening – pauses

Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls – Khalil Gibran

There are times when you and the one you are in relationship with will be in synch and flow. To maintain that level of connection, there will be pauses and a deep listening. This may mean that in the context of being together you create literal pauses to sink into the silence and allow the natural means of synchronisation to occur. It may also refer to creating distance. If you live together, it can be beneficial to create energetic space to not be in each others immediate field. Being away in time and space can also be beneficial, it will allow you to strengthen the more subtle dimensions of your connection of the spiritual planes.

In the context of sexual intimacy, the cadence may develop that your expression becomes physical for a time, then there is a slowing down to hold each other and connect heart to heart, or eye to eye. These pauses will allow your energies to adjust and each successive adjustment allows for a deeper level of entering into each other. These adjustments create a pace, they give room for energetic material to come up, such as fears, blockages, and other lower density vibrations. When two partners learn to pause and move forward consciously, they may create safety, and the true grounds for the deepest layers of intimacy and healing to develop.

The deepest layers of intimacy are when we are free and to share our whole being, moment to moment, without fear. In order to get to this point, both individual must be comfortable speaking their truth, even when it will not be received well (at first). This ties into the full spectrum of being able to connect and share the basic realities of our individual experience and transmit them through emotions and words (aspect 4: self-work).

3. 24/7 Awareness

The heights of intimacy are when an individual is fully awake and conscious, which denotes a continual awareness – yes, 24/7 is possible, many have mastered the ability to be aware in their sleep. But, regardless of just how capable you are of being awake, the aim to be as conscious as possible for the maximum amount of time. If one is looking to build intimacy with their lover who they live with, the process of maintaining awareness of the four directions, all the time, as your whole being in synch with your partner, is an excellent process of rapid evolution. In this kind of partnership, there is not an option for one partner to be sleeping (referring to not being aware of one of their domains), this drifting into unconsciousness will then affect both partners and their capacity to be intimate. Which leads to the next important point.

4. Self-work

The capacity to be intimate depends entirely on your self-work. Self-work refers to your continual process of realization. It should go without saying that one will need to be practicing and expressing their being on the level of the four directions. Thus, the heights of this level of intimacy exclude an individual without a connection to their emotions or to their soul as having a lesser form and capacity to connect fully. The process of life is always guiding us into greater self-awareness and intimacy, thus it is important to sketch out the possibility of its highest expression, so there is an lofty anchor with which to set one’s intentions towards, with the full knowing that perfection is an ideal that is always evolving a few steps ahead of our current manifestation.

5. Love

Without love, there is no true intimacy. You cannot meet, or be met, you cannot see, or be seen, you cannot know, or be known by another, unless there is a meeting at the level of love. Love is a frequency that allows for the communication to occur without error. When two people relate without love, there will be projection, and bias, there will be disturbances in each expression and how it reaches the other. Love is truth. Truth is grace. At times, love is fierce grace. But, without love, there is no intimacy. Thus, if one wants to truly be intimate, to have a soul level love and partnership develop in this lifetime, they must be willing to bask in the air of love, to know it deeply within themselves, and then to share it with another.

Many encounter love for a period. It is often the most wonderous encounter, but it lives in most peoples memory, because the fire of love must be tended with intimacy. And many who are graced with love are incapable of tending the fire…because the fire asks that we throw ourselves in it as fuel. A holy offering that will take every piece of us, every direction, and the fire of love will bring its warm light.

We can always come back to love. It is the center of ourselves and the relationship, and when there is a storm in relating, there is always a capacity to come back to love. Ultimately, the force of love acts as a higher intelligence with which two individual beings surrender to, and effectively dissolve their individual essences in the name of something higher. To dissolve your individual essence refers to the surrendering process of selfish wants and desires and the reprogramming of a more inclusive way of being intimate with another, and eventually with all beings. Love is the doorway, and it is often entered with another, but eventually that partnership leads to the opening of the heart so wide, that intimacy is capable with universe itself. Love is the doorway to the ALL.

Some of my favourite practices to guide and do that have helped me in my intimacy journey include:

1. Breathwork
2. Eye gazing
3. Metta – self love meditation
4. Compassion meditation
5. Conscious or authentic relating
6. Dance
7. Shared plant medicine journeys
8. Conscious sexuality
9. Vipassana meditation
10. Osho dynamic meditation
    If you have any questions, feel free to ask…or if you’ve been intrigued and would like to develop your capacity to be intimate, message me to set up a breathwork, meditation, or coaching appointment.
    Linktr.ee/zkcoaching