There Was a Time – a poem about loss

There was a time when curtains could not hide the love we had
Flowering on the pavement, we would parade down Abbey Street.
Your brown hair would tickle my skin.

I swear we left streaks of love wherever we went.
Whatsoever we did, there was a hummingbird in the air,
Twirling around our dancing bodies

Time would fracture, as we made love into eternity
With the nourishment of your eyes, my hungering desire for food diminished into a sweet taste for time spent in your presence.

There was a time when Tiger lilies and tulip bulbs would fill our home
Before I met you, only green plants would grow under my window sill.
We would name our flowers, do you remember?
Mr. Saturn, Margret Tilly, Splinko, and Dr. Florence.

There was a time when I questioned our love.
Even though I could see it tear you apart, you held the space for me to find my way back to you.
You knew, like a mother knows how to raise a child.

There was a time when we thought to have children.
We considered the names:
Desmond or Richkter for a boy, and Tara or Samsara for a girl
I remember the day we found out you could not conceive.
We cried all night, and I have never wanted to fix a situation with such passion, only to find myself helpless.
Your love remained steady, and yet, I felt you weaken on that day.

We both had to surrender to fate, and for a time I thought our love would not last.
The act of making love was a jagged reminder to the infertile womb.
Winter that year was desolate, and the cold had a bitter chill that seemed to pierce the bone.

I felt alone for the first time and years, and we were together much of our days.
Then Spring came and new flowers blossomed in your eyes.
Our love took a staircase and we went to the next floor, one step closer to heaven’s door

Do you remember the countless names we had for one another?
Boo-bear, Tiger Lily, Radiant one, Man of Mystery.

There was a time when we moved to the countryside.
We were going to rest there till we were old and tired of flesh and blood.

But, the angels had other plans for our lives.
And you left this world suddenly.

I remember waking up that morning and making breakfast for you.
I sat at the table patiently, not wanting to wake you.
Then I started to feel ill and empty.

When I came into our room you were lying there without breath.
You looked to be at peace.
And I lost control.
You left that day to be on your way.
But you did not leave me empty handed, you left a piece of your soul in mine.
Like a light of love, it shone itself into my darkness and I had to deal with my loneliness and loss.
I never knew how much I loved you, till you left.

I remember when I accepted our separation on this plane.
It was then when you’d come and visit me by spirit.
But, only for awhile.

You had other work to do in the realms beyond.
There was a time when I could not conceive of a world without you by my side.
And now I know better, because you were never out there, you’re here, in my heart, where you’ll always be.
Now I see you in the stars, and in all the people I meet and help.
Now I understand the gift of love is not ever after in the ordinary way.

For you, eternal teacher, I am humbled.
We will meet again and again.

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