So I’m writing a book!
It’s the 3rd book I’ll have written.
I may actually edit and release this one! haha.
This one is called the HeArt and Breath of Tantra and in it I explore 10 Tantric Techniques to realize your True Nature and release conditioning and programming. These techniques are simple and can often be practiced throughout your day or during your everyday life. I chose to name it as I have because I emphasis 3 key points to understanding the techniques of Tantra…through the heart (love), art (beauty), and breath (present moment). Tantra is not a philosophy, it is a way of being in the world. This book will give you many tools and practices to enter into life more totally and connect with your true potential.
Want a taste?
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Here is one of the techniques.
Technique # 48
At the start of sexual union keep attentive on the fire in the beginning, and so continuing, avoid the embers in the end.
This is an essential Tantric sex technique that can also be applied to your sex pleasure and cultivation practice. There are a few important things to understand about the tantric way of being in the world. Tantra is about applying techniques to realize our True Nature. The nature we had before our conditioning, before the world taught us who we were, before we had desires, before we knew about right or wrong. Such a way of knowing/being is difficult for most to grasp because our beliefs are deeply ingrained in the way our subconscious processes information and creates perception. Take the idea of sexuality for example, over generations much has been taught about sexuality; certain religious traditions, authorities, or simply overarching societal norms have imposed ways of being and acting that have ingrained ideas in you about right or wrong. Who to love and what are acceptable acts of sexuality. The conditioning even runs so deep as to influence what you find beautiful. For example, at different times in history and in different parts of the world it was beautiful to carry a copious amount of bodyfat because it indicated that one was wealthy enough to afford to eat well, whereas the dominant view in most Western Civilization does not keep this same standard.
So then, without a throughout examination of the self to find your truth, it is difficult to see how your conditioning has affected your programmed attractions. In terms of sexuality, the conditioning runs deep for many generations in Western Society as religious traditions have often looked down in various ways and capacities at sexuality, even so far as to associate sex and masturbation with being a sin capable of determining if a person was worthy of God’s grace in heaven. You may not believe that now, but after generations of being suppressed under the authoritative pressures, your DNA and your subconscious still carries remnants from this implicit learning.
Tantra is Amoral. In its purity, it says nothing of right or wrong, and has no moral stance. Because it aims at offering a way for you to come back to your original purity, before all your many lifetimes and remember the True Nature of reality. It is from this original point of purity where you can determine your truth about sexuality. Tantra is known for being associated with Tantric sex because it is one of the spiritual traditions that is open to exploring conscious sexuality.
Conscious sexuality, like Tantra is a vehicle for realizing one’s True Nature. I’m going to circle back to the title of this book, the HeArt and Breath of Tantra because I want offer my original guidance that without love (the heart), and consciousness (the breath), Tantra is a dangerous tool. The techniques of Tantra are a tool, and any tool can be misused as Tantric sex has been misused. Many takes the Amoral stance of Tantra and encouragement of sex as spirituality to justify their desires, actions, and unconscious sexuality.
If Tantra is Amoral, and morals and right and wrong don’t exist, then anything goes right? Not quite, and to best explain this point I’m going to refer to the Taoist tradition which is a philosophical system that originated in China that is similar to Tantra. Taoism too is beyond right or wrong and beyond yin and yang or opposites. The word Tao refers to a path, or the Way, among many other translations. It refers to a way to move through life that cannot be spoken of; no set of rules, dogmas, or morals can describe the motion of the Tao. Taoism speaks of 3 forces, heaven (the stars, planets, sky), Earth below (nature), and the realm of mankind. To be in harmony with the Tao is to be in harmony with oneself (internal), as well as the (external) forces of earth/nature and heaven.
To understand this, I will explore an example… if you go off alone into the forest, there are no rules, and no one will tell you how to talk, walk, and how to have sex. The forces of nature and heaven provide unconditional love and energy for us as humans to explore and create. But, we cannot simply go out into nature is do whatever the fuck we want. Perhaps for a period of time, but what happens when it rains? Or when you get hungry? You will have to learn to live in harmony and co-exist with what is. There are no rules as to how you will get along, in fact, if you set yourself up with rules that become too rigid, then you may get in trouble because nature is always changing! Conversely, if you are too careless and set no rules, you will also run into trouble! This example is just you off in the forest on your own, now we must add that we live in a society of 8 billion people and billions of other animals. So despite not having any rules or morals, there is a Way we each must find for ourselves that is in harmony with the All.
Returning back to our topic of sexuality… there are no true morals. Yet, this does not mean any actions goes because it may violate one’s capacity to stay in harmony with themselves, others, or with earth and sky. This is an important cautionary interlude before diving deeper into sexuality because, as I mentioned, many justify their desires for selfish pleasure, misusing others, and ultimately staying trapped in their conditioning and addictions rather than moving towards their True Nature. Your True Nature is not habitual or addictive, these patterns of behaviour are all conditioned and keep an individual in desire. Desire is an important topic which we will discuss in the next chapter.
Where have we arrived? Sexuality is. It simply is. It is not right or wrong, in the ultimate sense there is no moral underpinnings around sex. And yet, we exist as individuals in time, in society, between heaven and earth, and we must determine our truth and develop a way in the world that is harmonious and keeps us in right relationship with all our relations (all the cosmos!).
Let us now enter into this sutra.
At the start of sexual union keep attentive on the fire in the beginning, and so continuing, avoid the embers in the end.
The beginning of sex is similar to the beginning of falling in love. It is the most beautiful experience, like a thousand blossoming flowers in the mind and body. Sex and love is a doorway into the infinite. It is a true grace that most every person has experienced in their lifetime. And oh so often the story is the same, the start of love and sex is ecstasy, and without tender care, the sex becomes placid and routine, and so follows the bond of love. Many husband and wife share the bed, make love in their standard way, (probably) a set number of thrusts before the male climaxes and the story is over. Both parties receive some pleasure, yet deeper parts of them are left unsatisfied.
The heights of sexuality can satisfy every desire you have… if you have True Tantric sex, you will no longer desire food, water, power, money, or even eternal life! You will be so complete that you will be ready to die. That is a joke. But, seriously, when all your individual’s needs are met, what next? It is natural to want to help others. This is one of the ways that Tantric sex can help you lead a more fulfilling life.
Yet for most couples, sex is not so total. Total sex requires you to be totally awake, every cell must be present. For most people, their genitals are present during sex, but, much of their being is offline. This is why Tantric sex is multidimensional, every chakra is capable of awakening to sex, and the connection must be mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. This is why most of Tantric sexuality is what I term Tantric intimacy, because the sexual union is an energy exchange that need not be limited to the physical bodies. This is the heart of Tantric sex, when it is no longer a routine physical act, but a stage for intimacy. Tantric sex often breaks the standard form of sex by integrating eye gazing, massage, emotional connection and conversation, play, dance, and meditation, etc. There is no beginning and no end. It may last for many hours.
So then, this technique is key, pay attentive to the fire in the beginning. It is up to the partners to fan these flames of love, for two people are humble tenders of the sacred fire of love and their offerings unto this sacred flame are what make possible the heights of sexuality. They are what make possible the cosmic orgasm, which is not an orgasm (expansion and contraction and then release) limited to the genitals, but when the entire body and every cell orgasm’s. Then True union is reached. True union is not when a man enters his sexual organ into a woman, still two separate beings are present in this interaction. True Union is when two beings dissolve their entire being into love. When nothing remains, then union is achieved. And this act need not necessary be paired with sexual intercourse, when one learns Tantric sex, they will learn the art of dissolving into union and can then learn to live at this level of love.
It can now be better explained why many justify their unconscious sexual desires and call it Tantra, they are not actually reaching the heights of union, but rather they are remaining at the level of their personal desire for sense pleasure. It is keeping them from dissolving. It is keeping them from knowing True Nature.
How then to practice Tantric Sex? With love. You cannot have True Union without love. Sex without love is for the senses. There is nothing wrong with it. It is simply not the heights of what is possible. To a sincere individual in search of realization, it is a waste of time and energy. To then practice Tantric sex requires a deeply intimate relationship of love. This starts with yourself. Without discovering and understanding the ways in which you block love from entering into your life – which will be the result of previous conditioning- then you cannot surrender into love. Tantric intimacy is a conscious process and one must be continually aware to participate. Your conditioning lives in your body and as you discover yourself with touch, massage, meditation, qigong, and many other tools you will begin to innerstand what stories and blocked emotions live in your body which prevent love from being received in every cell. For the forces of the earth and heaven offer their unconditional energy for you at every moment of every day. We are surrounded by unconditional love and energy for us to receive and use, if this is not your experience and truth, then you have stories and beliefs that prevent this experience from being a reality. These techniques are a pathway to releasing that conditioning and coming back to True Nature.
To keep the embers lit, be aware of why the fire was lit. It is the spark of love. What aspects of your being were turned on in and what way when you first felt the fire. Work with that energy, move it through your body, experience it, know it, express it, and dance in it. Connect with your whole body, on all levels, mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. Think of the love as not being yours, do not take it for granted, it is a gift. Tend to it, keep it alive, and it will carry you through all challenges until you find your way back home to your True Nature.