We were meant to fall in love
Fate knew it well
I was meant to meet you on that bus
on my way home from university
because I was meant to move away from my home town, I was meant to rent that apartment, and then leave within 3 days to rent a different apartment, then go to university that day, and take that bus home… and meet you.
Just as my grandpa was meant to leave Germany as a stow away on a ship to
Canada
Just as Hitler was meant to …I dare not say
Just as my forefathers were meant to war and rape
God love’s it all, the divine drama
we met, we fell in rapture, we explored the deepest parts of ourselves in the requiem of two
Me and you, merged as one
WE shared our hearts, our stories, and then we wrote one together
The world had never met a love like ours
The universe did not know how to handle it
neither did we
like children playing in the dark
we fumbled and felt our way through the moments
the months passed by like days
and ecstasy turned to bliss, bliss to depression, manic bipolar, roller coaster
we were meant to fall in love
and we were meant to die
we were meant to let each other in
to go deep in love and loose it all
I was meant to walk away and let you die
You were meant to come back and murder me
your Kali the destroyer
the goddess of death
I’m the devil in disguise
now I am become death, the destroyer of worlds
Now you are an angel reborn
Now you can be free, for death and pain is no more
the suffering was the necessary ill, the place where the pain is is where the light enters
Just as it is fate that Hitler did kill
and Jesus meant was crucified
the pain of the cross, the crown of thorns
It is through transcending pain that we find eternal life
it is through suffering that creation comes into being
let me show you:
Come to my house, I’ll fetch my finest sweet cherry wine, dine you and give you the love you deserve oh angel of the West. Over a fire I’ll dance with you, sing for you, and make love to you. At first it will be slow, then it will grow. As our lips become more sensitive my touch will become lighter. I want to know just how much our bodies can feel. Close your eyes lay rested on the bed, naked and accepting, and let me carefully caress you with my tongue. There is electricity at the tip. In the darkness there is light. In this night there is love.
Then I’ll take you hard against the wall. Its rough but you feel safe in my arms because you can feel my hard heart beating from my chest, it softens the blow of my hard shaft in your ass. There is pleasure, and there is pain.
It hurts, but it feels so good. As we increase the pain, we increase the pleasure. As you scratch my back I bleed and become human. As we give into pleasure we become immune to pain. As we make love till the morning the a sacred sexual act draws near the end I push deep inside you and plant my seed.
The child grows in the womb and we fall apart. The baby is born without a loving family.
The pregnancy is unexpected and without a doctor present, you experience all the pain in the world in a single day. Your womb burns and bleeds and the pain in unbearable. A part of you dies during birth. Then a child is born and all the pain is worth it.
We are happy once again and reunited.
then I leave you.
and you die inside
and a piece of the child never develops
then your mom dies.
And a piece of the child dies
and a part of you never develops
then your child dies.
and I’m gone
your dad’s dead
your alone
and you start over
and you find love again
you have sex again, it hurts, and you orgasm and it feels good.
tension and release
breathe in
breathe out
then you give birth again and its hell
this time you birth twins and their heaven
and you have a happy marriage
you are reborn
we were meant to meet that day on that bus so many moons ago, and write that sad story
Everything is in its right place, no matter what pain is present, no matter what pleasure is near
life is the way it is beyond pain and pleasure, beyond good and evil, beyond duality
it’s been 66 years since we met, your kids are grown and its time for you to die
your death will cause a great pain to your children
and a piece of them will die
and the will repeat as the sun rises and new son is born

ZK

Giving love and thanks to a dear friend

This is Edward Dangerfield
this is what my heart has to say about my brother Edward
I met Edward round a sacred flame, a fire we call Tatuwari
In a tipi we prayed
we witnessed the supernatural
we prayed
then after we connected
having only spoken a few words together before the ceremony we found a place in our hearts for each other .

Edward gave me a gift that morning. It is a piece of drift wood. It is a treasured item from his altar that he had prayed with for years, he gave this to me, not because he planned to meet me there, he knew nothing of me. He planned to make it into a necklace one day he expressed.
Looking up at him I met his eyes with the fire still burning
I felt a tug
I felt honoured.
A gift I did not deserve…
I thought to myself….this man wanted to make a necklace… I have a necklace, a prayer necklace made of wood. I rushed to my altar without saying anything leaving him there. Here’s your necklace I said, giving him my prayer beads that had been with me for years.
giving is receiving
Edward’s smile is genuine, the kind of pure eyed look that expresses pure joy. The particular smile he gave that day altered something in the universe. What I did not know is what Edward told me…
I’m going to be a father soon
I will pray with these beads and place them on my altar where my item use to remain.
yes. Pure yes. Moments are movies. My life is surreal.
Have you decided on his name? I spoke without thought, without knowledge of whether the child was a boy or a girl.

We don’t know its sex he replied, and I felt a bit abashed that I had spoken it.
then he said, I think its a boy too.
….fast-forward …months later…its a boy… still on the way. This man is going to be a great father, he already is a great man. Who has lived to tell the tale after an avalanche tried to take him down. But men with purpose rise against the elements. His story is not over.
When we talked we found out that we had developed similar practices in yoga, qi gong, breathework, and free movement.
time passed, and when our next meeting came we shared in the bliss that is Blessed Coast Festival. Our time was sacred.
Edward passed on an idea to me, he planned on taking men out into the wilderness to teach wisdom, share spirit, allow nature to heal, and take men on a voyage of breathe, experience sound, sweat, movement, and beyond.
He asked me to join in this venture.
The Hero’s Journey: A Men’s retreat was born
The rite of passage for men to rise to hero’s. As men come to the wilderness they connect with their mythical selves. With mentors, elders, teachers, as old as trees, these men will receive the medicine of breathe, movement, silence, story, drama, and release. Followed up with integration coaching and emails, these men will write their story. Hero’s are men who are those who take up their cross, and serve their community.

 

I carried his sacred item with me to the jungle to do ayahuasca, on a 8 day vision quest fast, several peyote ceremonies, and a 2 week fasting and praying journey to the sacred site jasper and Banf, and many more.  On my journey I was gifted a sacred gift by spirit to give to him… On our retreat I will give it to him.
Edward, brother, I love you.

Death; eternal life – a poem

mankind should make the transcending of death the ultimate goal. For when we rise beyond our own death we are eternal.
to die before you die is to be infinite
It is to break the bonds of samsara
the dance of lila
When we learn to let go of dying we become death
all existential anxieties release
the chains of religious programming resolve
the ego dissolves
when we accept death, the root of all fears, all the danger is the world fades
for those who know they cannot die fear nothing in this life/ giving room to become everything
The realization that there is a part of you that is eternal is to become conscious of the great spirit
the dreamer has awakened to the dream and becomes the dream
Its all a projection of the mind
its all a dance
a dance of the dead
a dance of creation
the dance of destruction
and then creation
rebirth, breathe
release
dissolve
death
rebirth
cycling
circling
galaxies come into being
the sun rises
the sun sets
the universe is destroyed
the earth is born in the divine feminine
the dance of opposites
that which you resist persists
run from death and his hounds will forever ravage your tail
when the mind is at peace, no plague of black death can draw us ill
when we transcend death we become the cosmic Christ on the cross
our pain is our offering
when we transcend pain we transcend ourselves, we transcend death, we are baptized and born again, eternal and risen
our suffering is our song to the creator, our joyful woes in the face of terror are thanks for the blessing of life
our lives are our sacrifice, our gift to give
when you give your life away you become infinite
I am the ascendant
I am that I am
being and non-being
yin and yang
dying is a process, just as living is a process, and just as sex is a process, you are not the one dying, but the process of change
you will die, and you have died ten-thousand times before and will die ten-thousand more
there is only one now, and you eternally rest here beyond life and death
rest your soul easy in the ecstasy of living and dying; the dance of humanity
be calm in the eye of the storm
the loom of the cloud
the heart of the volcano
the pulse of war
the sick ills of disease
and be pleased to show mercy
oh god
I humbly surrender to the infinite and when its time to breathe my last breathe I will let go
I will let go
I will let go and be reborn
ZK

Tatuwari

Tatuwari
fire rise, dragon’s breathe
flaming tale
as old as time
energy and ecstasy
vibrant trance, the dance of body
look how the spirit moves like smoke
nothing but flow
energy and vibration
rhythm and pulse
expansion and contract
orgasm and release
a living creation
Tatuwari
the living heart of energy
the red’s turn white
the blue’s turn orange
sparks sail through the 4 directions
the smoke gathers and forms a Being that dances over the holy embers and all are aware
all the spirits join when the flame’s are loud
they hear the heat
they feel the prayers of the people
they come to dance
all of creation moves in glorious ecstasy
see miracles come true
fire seer
seeing into the future we alter our awareness
alter our state
the altar is the place of transcendence
but the night is late
and the wood is low
hypnosis grows
and all falls silent except a crackling log,
left
to

burn
Tatuwari; grandfather flame, aho till we meet again
ZK

Write Your Story, Author Your Existence

This is literature
This is poetry
I am the author, the authoritarian; the logos
I am the ghost with a pen
I am free to express any point of view,
without censor,
without needing to love or even agree with the words
I let go
We should all let go when we read, so that we might hear the words the author meant to say, and not filter them our way
Look to learn,
not to judge
Be open to a new perspective
give way to fantasy
Explore your evil,
sick sexual dream
Screaming black night
Red murder

White child innocent
I’m a racist
Rapist
A thief, a priest
A beggar and a chooser
A loser, boozer
Loving mother, devouring father
I write the words,
you give them meaning

——-
Write from a perspective you disagree with
Step outside yourself
Write a joyful sonnet, about murder
Write about the glory of war

tell a story of survival or sin,
and sacrifice
To write is to create
To transcend without borders
your pen is your wand, your words are magic
Stories can alter the future, they have guided our species since before writing
Our collective myth is the song of ages
The stories we tell ourselves are the narratives we live by
What role do you play in your own novel?
Are you the hero, or a side character?
Your tale is waiting to be written
It does not matter if your a shaman, a baker, or a butcher, good literature gives meaning to any form of Being
Written from the heart of harmony, all things become beautiful
Tell your story well, and people will carry its words and vibration for generations to come, echoing your essence, calling out your name
Tell your story well and people will learn from it, cherish it, and want to tell it over and over and over and again
Be a person worth reading about, or that others would want to write about
Immerse your story in myth, archetypical themes and characters
Delve into meaning
Live in fantasy
The world is a drama; a dance
You are the cosmic actor
Your entire world is of your creation, including all your relations, your either writing it consciously or unconsciously. If there is something in your life you do not enjoy, ask yourself if your choosing that fate consciously, or unconsciously. Writing is a tool for awakening. The pen is more powerful than the sword.
Take responsibility to your words and deed
Author your thoughts as if they were being written of jade tablets for all eternity to read
The world needs your story
Your word is medicine