Presence – freewriting

Presence
Hello?
Is there anybody out there?
Are you here?

Now?
You may think your here, now
But you are being torn apart
Pieces of you are lost in the past
Preventing you from being present
When you were born, you were perfect, present and wholly involved in the Now
As we experience and express ourselves as a unique individual we transition through developmental stages
We can see these in terms of chakras and energy
psychological stages
numerical ages
epochs
Yet we do not progress through these stages perfectly
The beauty of being human is to be perfectly imperfect
When we experience trauma, disorder, disease, or any ill fate we may also have a stunting or delaying in an area of development
For example,
Perhaps our first 12 months of being human were ungrounded, and we were born in war-torn Syria. The first year of our life is important in our development of our roots, our sense of safety, security, and grounding to our earth, our tribe, and community.
The next stage according to the chakras is 6 months to 2 years, and athey re crucial to developing healthy relationships. If we experience developmental issues in these critical years it can later affect our creativity and our ability to have a healthy relationship with sexuality.
The chakra system is no light read, unless you skim it
It’s an inclusive system which incorporates physiological organs and body structures, colours, yoga poses for balancing, herbs, meridian point correlates, and is a powerful tool for working on and balancing your human energy system and creating growth in all areas of your Being

Then there is the shamanic idea of soul loss and retrieval
Lend me your ears and listen to this story in your mind’s eye
It was late, later than young Mary and Todd were use to staying up. But their father went out for a drink and had left them alone, again. He was in the habit of having a few too many beers and leaving them home alone on the weekend. They are both nearly 10 years old and they are coming quite accustom to managing on their own. Yet tonight felt different
They began to shiver minutes before their father came home
Piss drunk
His wretched breath stunk of beer and vomit
His greying beard was evident of his bodies accelerated aging due to a poorly led life
Turning his gaze to Todd his words were flames and he ordered him to bed.

Grabbing and forcing Todd into his room with his hairy arms
As his large paw clawed at Todd’s arm he left red flesh from his firm grasp
next his evil was turned towards Mary, which he took to his room
Where he proceeded to touch her soft arms
her screams could be heard across the house
Todd ran in to attack his dad and save his sister
but a mere smack put Todd unconscious
Mary was no push over, she kicked and screamed and bit
but she was unable to avail her fat father and his drunken sexual desire
He took his slimy tongue and had his sick serpent way with her
——-
Both Todd and Mary grew up, moved away, and continued life
Yet a piece of Mary was left behind that night, a piece of her soul was lost.
Mary smiles, but not with a whole and open heart
She loves, but not wholly
She can’t open her heart, for she is scared to be vulnerable
She is scared to express her personal power
She is unable to have a healthy sexual relationships
She is fearful
————-
Mary is not broken
She is beautiful
Mary sought healing for years, trying psychotherapy, meditation, yoga, journaling and countless other treatments before taking a trip down to Peru to work with the visionary plant Ayahuasca and a master shaman or traditional healer
In a dark ceremonial building the shaman, her, and 6 other people and 2 facilitators

she consumed the healing brew, ayahuasca and within the hour she started to experience an altered state of consciousness
Her visions brought her back, back to the night she was raped
trembling and shaking she felt a warm light opening at the root of her spine
she could feel the shamans voice penetrating deep into her bones
Her cellular memory of the event released and in a moment she saw her fathers face
It made her purge, sick, black, vomit
her back hunched and great waves of energy moved through her
she became a vessel of a great wind, and she started to scream
her cries were broken by fits of sobbing
the facilitators gathered near, lending their energy and letting her knew she is safe
One facilitator placed a hand on her and she began to calm
She saw her fathers face flash once more, and she began to cry
Just then a wave a green light came crowning down and consumed her
She felt a brilliant white flower blossom in her heart center and she felt love for her father
In that moment she felt forgiveness for him
She felt unconditional love for the first time since she was a baby, before her mom had passed
——-
The feeling faded after that night, but not completely. Mary got a glimpse
Mary felt what forgiveness feels like
She knew what she needed to do
ayahuasca is not a magical cure, but it can show you the way
It would take years before Mary was ready to let go
but when she did, she opened herself up to new love
new light
Her story, her strength
was a gift
She went on to help her brother heal from an addiction he had developed from his traumatic childhood
She went on to find love, not just in a man, but in all her relationships
She became a leader, a healer, and a mother
Mary was never broken, not during her childhood, or any point during her struggle
she had just lost a piece of herself
its like when we are a kid and we play hide and seek
we like to get lost, so we can find ourselves again
that’s what being human is about
——
Your struggles are blessings
they are there for you to overcome
I thank life for my depression
I once wound up in a psychiatric ward after attempting suicide
I’ve been hurting most my life
I abused steroids to make myself strong, but no matter how physical powerful I became I was still weak
Still running
Using women
using drugs
selling drugs
I lived in darkness so I could discover the light
I have the scars on my body, and the tattoos that tell my story
——
I’ve ventured deep into the darkness of my own shadow

I shone a light into my blackest night
the sun rose, and a new day dawned
——-
When we heal our past we free ourselves
no longer are we fragmented
When we heal ourselves we can become fully present, no longer in the prison of the past
When we trust the universe we no longer need to fear the future, and thus we give up anxiety
then we give up fear
when we surrender our fear of death, all other fears fade and we can be present
When we are truly present, we see the here and now
We see truth
we can see others more clearly than they can see themselves
we see the patterns they are playing out, and we know how we can heal them
—-
Most people live in moments
they come alive only during parts of their day
the rest they spend unconsciously acting our patterns
habitual tendencies
routine compulsions
cycles of desire
old desires transforming into new desires, but always chasing
when we are awake, we are conscious of every moment of our lives

free of conditioning
truly living
connected to:

the body

the breath
the emotions
the mind
and the spirit
not divided
not stuck in the head -always talking to oneself

true presense of the here and now
this kind of presence lends itself into extraordinary feats
healing abilities
intuitive abilities
mind-body control
learning is accelerated
dreams manifest themselves
————–
hello?
is there anybody there?
where are you at?
What emotions from your past are keeping you from being present?
How far do you stray from your breathe?
Can you be conscious of your breath all day? Or is your mind pulling you endlessly away from the pain of the present you are running from

why the pain?

why the addiction?

—–
freedom and the present
When you were a child you were free
you still are
but you don’t act it
over time you developed rigid patterns of behaviour
you once danced and moved your body in every which way
now, most people walk in straight lines and lift weights in one plane
yet you are free to dance, and spin, rotate your arms in 3-dimensions
you once sang, without care and full of joy
singing is the path to joy
now you speak on a limited register
your tongue no longer dances
yet you are free to sing and learn to make beautiful music that can heal
most people act out a role
they have a personality that is rigid
through your identification and the occupational mask you wear you have limited your freedom
you can be and act freely
a truly free individual loves to be with themselves, because they surprise themselves
I’ve spent weeks alone and I never get lonely
I am the combination of every one I have ever met
When you become truly free and unguarded spontaneous creativity flows through you and you become a witness to the joy of being
I laugh at my own jokes because they do not come from me
I love to read my writing because it does not come from me
When I speak I don’t think about what I’m going to say, I become silent, and out of that silence there are words
they do not come from me

Its a process of getting out of your own way
be free
Free to dance, to sing, to express yourself without judgement
no self
enlightenment
—————-
You can go your entire life without ever-living a single moment
or perhaps living only in fragments
in heightened moments
You’ll realize this at some point
for most people its right before they die
or on their deathbed
a beautiful life is one that is lived
perfectly imperfect
——-
lessons from zen
time is an illusion
life is not made of words
no words can ever describe life
there is no true progress
goals are great, but there is no progress
everything is always in balance
good and evil are one
there is no separate self
meaning, YOU cannot do anything
good or bad
no need to weigh the good things you do against the bad
free yourself of this religious conditioning
sometimes all we are doing by trying to do what is right based on what we read, or heard, or think, or are influenced by, teaches us to do it because we have to
its like loving someone because we have to
never do things because you think you have to
when we get out of our own way, we do what should be done but it comes from within
not because we have to, because out of the silence of self we act in accordance with the dao
this is enlightenment
when we stop pursuing
when we stop trying to do it ourselves
give up all notions and right and wrong, of self and other
let go
and everything falls into place
when you let go you allow things to fall into place
the more you try
the more you resist the way of things, the more out of alignment you are with the tao
when you truly give up trying, you can become present
you can live fully
you can be here, now

beyond good and evil

beyond the self
——-

Why meditate?

Why meditate?
Why dance?
Why Sing?
Why make love?
We can attach a reason to each of these questions, the mind loves a reason for doing something. Meditating, dancing, singing, and making love can all be a means to some end. Yet, they are unique in that they are also ends unto themselves. You need not dance to become better, nor to arrive at a destination, or to work on coordination, or to let go. You don’t need a reason to dance, dancing is purposeless. The same can be said for meditation. You can go into meditation with a purpose, as a doer, with an end in mind.
Or you can simply sit.
You can shift from doing to being.
Without a goal, without the desire for enlightenment, or inner peace.
——
Why meditate?
Meditation teaches concentration and awareness.
Pure attention
focused, body, mind, and spirit.
As one first learns to sit they will experience discomfort. Their mind will distract them.
Why?
Because most people live in their heads. They live in the intellect. They talk to themselves incessantly. When a zen master sits, he simply sits. When he eats he eats. And when he sleeps he sleeps. Most men and women do not sit, they sit and think about ten-thousand and one things. They do not simply and mindfully eat, chewing their food the appropriate amount of times, and allowing for digestion.
To meditate is to check in with the body
body, mind, emotion, and spirit are one. Yet most people spend time in their mind, get swept up in their emotions, rarely check in with their spirit, and hardly live wholly. To live wholly is to be connected to the bodymindemotionspirit as a unity.
Meditation is a means to find peace
Inner stillness
If one regularly finds peace in the morning, and peace in the evening, soon their day will be spent in peace. Picture a spectrum, on one end there is suffering, and the other is pleasure, and in the middle is a place of contentment. Most people seek pleasure, they are caught in a never-ending desire to pursue, achieve and follow rewards. When inevitable tragedy and suffering strike they are quick to push in the positive, and get back to pleasure. Yet meditation teaches the middle way. Mediators reside in the center, calm and content. When pleasure comes they are happy, but they are not attached to it. When suffering comes, they suffering.
stoic.
their peace is undisturbed by the waves of emotions that roll over.
Emotions are just that, waves of energy, quick to come, quick to wash away.

Do not become swept away in emotions, joy or anger.
—–
Why meditate?
When one learns to turn their eyes inward they come to know they are infinite
Inner vision
inner sight; insight
When one learns to meditate, they learn to witness.
if one learns to watch the breathe without interfering, without guiding the breathe, without guiding the mind, just letting go, they realize they do not breath, but rather there is breath, and they are a witness.
you are what you are aware of.
Most people’s awareness is identified with body, mind, and emotions. Yet when we become a witness we have an oppurnutity to transcend. Most people live in their heads and look out from their eyes, as if their consciousness was coming from the brain. This position can be described as ego-centric processing. The self is the center, looking out at the world.
Yet imagine this, picture yourself sitting on a bench looking at an apple. Now take the apple’s perspective. You are an apple looking at yourself. Your awareness is displaced from the ego-center, and you are seeing things beyond yourself. This is allo-centric processing. Over time, as you continually meditate and become a witness of your body you begin to shift your awareness. No longer looking out from two eyes, you are wholly aware of your bodies position in 3-dimensional space. Because your awareness is lifted beyond the body, there is a distance created from your thoughts, emotions, and even the mind. This is not a dissociation. It is more akin to an objective looking at oneself, a truer way of knowing thyself. For how can we truly know ourself unless we see ourself from outside in. When we become aware of ourselves objectively, our problems, limiting beliefs, and blockages become apparent, just as when you look at someone else and their problems seem simple to you.
Because your awareness lives beyond the ego, or self-identification you will also experience a shift in your relationships. For we usually look at the world through our own biases and prejudices. When we lift our awareness beyond ourselves we see the world, and others more clearly. Truth, is to see things more clearly.
The disidentification with the body, mind, and emotions is primary to meditation and volumes could be written on the resultant happenings of this shift in awareness. When we are no longer identified with our body, mind and emotions we don’t take things personally. We become less attached to our looks, for they will fade. We become less disturbed by our emotions, for they are passing waves. We become less concerned with the constant negative thoughts that arise, they are just passing waves too.
no longer do things happen to us, or for us, they just happen. They happen just the way they should, and we can be at peace.

zen
—————-
meditation is thinking
There are many forms of thinking
Say you have a mathematical problem you are trying to work out
most people’s approach to the problem would be to sit with pen and paper and try to work on that problem. They will sit there and try to work it out with the mind. Nothing wrong with this, the conscious mind is great for thinking.
here is another way to approach the problem. Work on it, then go to sleep. Research proves that your brain will continue to work on the problems your conscious mind deems important. you wake up and the problem is solved. Or maybe not.
Try again and try it this way. Work on the problem, then meditate. Out of the silence the answer will come.

When learning guitar (or any skill) one can try and try, then they take a break, and come back and viola
things to note:
Your brain has different electrical states ranging low to high. When you drink coffee you put you brain into a beta state, or a high arousal state, this state allows for outward focus and concentration. Meditation drops the brain wave states lower and this state is good for relaxation, healing, and processing of information. Sleep and trance drop the brain into even lower states of arousal, also having benefits for recovery, healing, and processing of information.

Using this information, it is clear that a good strategy would be as follows. Enter the higher arousal states for thinking and learning and taking in of information, then balancing yourself with lower brain wave states to process and utilize that information. It’s about balance.
Work, play, rest
Remember how I said your brain continues to work on the problems your conscious mind deems important. I should express it a bit different, you brain will continually work on problems, all kinds of problems. It does with subconsciously, but it uses your brain’s resources. Think about all the problems you encounter during the day, your brain has solutions to all kinds of problems and is continually working on them. But its disorganized, our modern world has too many problems, too many alerts to memorize, too many things to remember. Your brain has a limited amount of resources. If you lived in a cave and only wanted to write, your brain would have more resources to focus on just writing, instead of writing, living, family, working, and ten-thousand things.
Meditation helps to organize the brain
The analogy is thus, all the problems you encounter during the day are tabs you are opening on your computer. When one meditates at night the stream of thoughts for the 10-20 minutes will be about your day, your thoughts, and the problems that you have encounters. By meditating and simply allowing these thoughts to pass without interfering allows those tabs to close and the brain to get out of problem solving mode, and into a place of peace. Most people don’t even know what peace feels like. They don’t understand what it is to have an empty mind. Always ten-thousand things. No silence.
When your mind is not full of ten-thousand things, you are free to become more present. When you focus, you have more resources, you become more creative, your problem solving capabilities increase, when you take on a task you can put your mind, body, and emotion into it.
——
Meditation and the breath
most methods of meditation involve the breath
the breath is the bridge to the subconsciousness
the breath is life energy
the breath is the vehicle
The breath is conscious and subconscious
By bringing our awareness to the breath we can follow it into the subconscious
What is the subconscious?
the subconscious is you
the subconscious part of you regulates your heart, your body, it contains all your reflexes
It contains your urges, desires, memories, etc.
the conscious mind is but a spotlight, it is a sliver of awareness
the subconscious is the vast ocean of self
Tapping into your subconscious will change your life
In your subconscious are programs and conditioning, they are reflexive responses, limiting beliefs, prejudices, etc. Meditation allows us to enter the subconscious and decondition all the poor programming we have been acquiring unconsciously since birth. This is awakening. Coming into consciousness.
Programing the subconscious will alter your perceptions. It will expand your awareness.

meditation is beautiful

meditation is boring

meditation is
———

what would you do poem

What would you do?
What would you do if you could see things that other people could not?
What if when you looked into someone else’s eyes you could know more about them than they know about themselves
What would you do if you could read people’s bodies like a book?
With a simple and short observation you could see musculoskeletal imbalance and you knew how to help
our bodies reveal more than we think
the patterns we play out and the emotions we hold constantly rest in the body
there are certain positions our body comes into when certain emotional states are chronically held
here is a simple illustration
many negative emotions will cause the body to collapse inwardly, the shoulders roll forward and down, the head turns down, perhaps the arms are crossed over the heart to protect its vulnerable center. Conversely, when we are confident and full of positive emotion we hold our head high, we roll our shoulder back and we open our hearts to the world. If you chronically experience negative emotions your body will assume the former body position, over time your muscles, connective tissue and even the skeletal system will shift into a chronic holding pattern. When people correct these issues, say through stretching or yoga there can be a huge release of emotions. What is happening here? Your emotions live in the body, there is a deep cellular memory, and we can release those emotions by working on the body. The body, the mind, and the emotions are one.

We think with our bodies as much as our minds.
mind body
body body
emotional body
What would you do if you could sense blockages in people’s energies?
What would you do if you could see what limiting beliefs a person is holding that is preventing their growth and success
What would you do if when you looked at a married woman eyes you could see her soft desperation to find new love?
What if you could sense her sexual urges that she denies herself from even recognizing
What if you knew what the other sex wanted more than they knew what they wanted, and you could bring them to a place of pleasure more rapturous then they had ever experienced
What if you knew how to massage the body, to work with the meridians, trigger points, and arousal centers. What if you were a tantric multiorganismic person with the knowledge sacred sex?
What if you knew how to get away with murder
You had the connections, and if you wanted you could end someone’s life.
the only question is, do you hire a killer, or do you become the killer
What would you do if you knew your success was inevitable
you know because you’ve conquered death
You know because when you act you put your mind-body and spirit into everything you do
If there is a goal, it will be done, regardless of the obstacles, dragons, or barriers
If I have to starve myself for days to afford something, I won’t bat an eyelash

I’d give an eye for my goal

I’d give my life for my work
what would you do with this kind of dedication
imagine what you could accomplish

What would you do if you could feed a child in Africa for a dollar a day?
What would you do if you could donate 1 percent of all your income and that money would help the quality of lives for hundreds of people and animals
what would you do if you saw someone choking in a crowd
would you be one of those people who watches?
or would you be the one to step up
Oh, you don’t know how to help?
Why did you not spend a tiny portion of your wealth and time to learn this simple procedure that could save someone’s life
What if that choking person was someone you knew
your niece or nephew
What would you do if you saw someone drowning
would you save them?
What would you do if you had the power to save hundreds of people from disease, war, and famine?
Would you give away half your wealth, and alter your entire life to save a village?
What about to save a friend? Or family member…
What would you be willing to do to survive?
Could you kill your husband?
Could you turn against your country and go to war with another?
What would you do if you knew this was a dream
What if you knew you were eternal and that this moment is the only moment
would you hold onto anger, now and forever?
would you hold onto hate?
Why do you carry so many dead things in that bag of yours
What would you do if you saw an act of racism?
What about violence?
would you help?
What if you were to witness 3 beastly men bashing the body of young woman
what would you do?
What would you do if you knew the way in which you were living was unsustainable, and your entire reality, your job, your way of life, your wealth, your food, your entire being was at stake….would you just continue that 9 to 5?
Would you change?
Would you change if you KNEW it could save it all
Would you change if did not know it would help
What if you sell your things, march for peace, invest in sustainable communities, and in the end it does not make a difference, and you are left poor, alone, and with AIDS
Would you be angry?
Who would you be angry at? Yourself? God? the universe?
What would you do if you knew how to learn
like, really well
You could learn martial arts, dance, singing, writing, acting, business, mountaineering, sailing, and anything you wanted
How many languages do you want to speak?
5? Done.

with your determination, what you say will be done
Would you pursue mastery for yourself? Or would you direct your energies elsewhere
What if you knew when and how you would die
What if it was 20 years from now? What would you do till then
in those final years, days, and hours, how would you live differently
How do you prepare for death?
What if you could live beyond death
just kidding, you can’t do that
But what if
What if you could be reborn with a new face and no memory of your last life?
What if you knew you would be reborn again and again, never knowing where and with what parents
What if your ejaculation could cure cancer
Would you donate your cum for cancer
What if your cum caused cancer to you and the women you slept with
Could you overcome your sexual urge
What if you had no dick, how different would you live your life
What about no period?
Who would you be without your emotions?

Who would you be without your past?

Who would you be if you had no memories?

Who were you before you were born?

Who will you be after you do?
What if you woke up tomorrow and you were blind…
fat
in jail
the opposite sex
what would you do if you knew your spouse was cheating on you, but you were cheating on them also
What if you knew your child was gay?
what would you do if the power went out for weeks? Do you have what you need to survive?
How much water is in your home? How well equipped are you for when disaster strikes?
Our future holds mass migrations, possibilities of global catastrophes and world war 3, are you ready?
Are you ready to die?
What if your country was invaded, are you ready to protect your family
The invaders have come, the phone lines are cut… where do you go?

Your wife your kids…
your family…
your friends..
where do you go
there’s an earthquake and your friend dies
What do you do?
What if you were born with limitations but with infinite potential
what if you could create beautiful art
write stories that would be passed down for generations
be a part of a movement to save the planet
would you give up your current life plans
would you give up retirement, all your savings, and your future to follow truth
What if you were awakened and could see through illusion?
What would you do if you knew right from wrong
What would you if you knew you could change and it just took a little work
Would you do it?
Or would you stay the same?

The Mountain – poem

The mountain is wise

The man on the mountain is wise
the man in the city is lost
The mountain teaches through silence
the mountain speaks through you if you can listen
listening means coming to silence
people think they listen
yet most never stop speaking – aloud and to themselves
always there is a chatter of the mind
true silence is found in deep stillness
when’s the last time you were truly still? How long did your mind rest before it distracted you?
its hard to calm the mind
the mountain will teach you
without effort you will find yourself meditating
climb the highest hill you can find
scale the tallest mountain your bones can bear
and at the highest point you will hear true silence
a quiet so loud you’ll never hear anything like it
a place of peace will arise
a contentment will come
and your life will make sense
for a brief moment you will touch eternity and it will all make sense
your life, your struggles, your pain, your place
in an instant it will all make sense, everything is as it should be
in that moment you will be without desire
your wanting will cease
you will be centered and balanced
not pulled in any direction
just a witness to it all
then you will think a thought
and the silence will be broken
the mind will chatter again and you will go back to being you
a separate self in a world of strange
then one day you will die
it will be silent
your soul will be still
and you will return to the peace from which you came

then you will think a thought

and you will be born again with a different face

 

meditation; the observer and the belly button – poem

Part 1: The transition
When the sun rises it is spring, a new day has sprung
Then the sun sails north, resting in the clouds it is summer in the sky
Gently cycling the sun circles down, the fall has come
A time of transition
The light turns to night
The doings of the day are done
Now is the time for being one

But first, a prayer

ho’ponopono

I am sorry for my transgressions, the ways in which I have hurt others.  I take responsibility for my actions and the actions of every person.  I am all those faces, I am all the people who hurt.  I am rape.   I am the needless red murder of a child by fire.  I am the victim human trafficking, hear my screams.  I am a rapist.  I am Stalin.  I apologize because I am one with it all.  And I ask forgiveness.  On my knee’s I repent on behalf of my brothers and sisters.  I apologize and take the blame for the sins of men and women.  Then I ask for forgiveness.  Forgive me for my doings, in this life, the one before, and the one after.  I thank you for your forgiveness.  I thank you for life. I love you. 

I’m sorry

I ask for forgiveness

Thank you

I love you

I heal, we heal, we are whole when we are one

there is but one problem, one self, one love


The meditation

I enter my home
a sacred space, calm energy, adorned with symbols of meaning and signs of the divine
The lights are off, the candles are on
Illuminated by the soft roar of the flame
its time to remember why I came here, to this place, to this face, to this earth, to this birth
As I transition from doing to Being I let go of my conditioned patterns
First a free my movement
Usually we walk in straight lines, move in one direction, one plane, its insane and rigid
we have frigid bodies that beg to dance
I remove my pants and proceed to trance
unsequentially and intuitively moving joints in their full range of motion
exploring the sphere of my surrounding, turning my legs in the most alien and awkward poses and exploring vocalizations
I engage in the (in)voluntary act of speaking in tongues
gibberish
sounds for the sake of sound, without meaning or purpose, just free expression
opening up the throat, moving the tongue in novel ways
unconsciously choosing to move now
to vibrate
shake things up
jiggle tensions away
yell a bit
fart without blinking
blink without farting
Crying without worry
releasing without resistance
breaking down without despair
pull my hair, stimulate my head
massage my body, massage my organs
rub my dick, get hard and helicopter
no shame, no ejaculation
full body orgasm
let it all fall limp now
——-
kundilini; kriya
tai chi chuan
jedi mindtricks for ya’ll padewons
I see the force, I feel the light, and I dance in the darkness
my body is the microcosm of the macrocosm, my brain is the heavens, my neurons are the stars
my body is the earth, my heart is fire, the same flame that lies in your heart and that is why I know we are one, one heart, one beat, one breath
As I become fully absorbed in my play I lose myself in the drama
I die in the dance
I am reborn with every breath
I die with every exhale, letting go and giving in
Leaving myself open, I am receptive like a woman reclined with legs open
My divine feminine dances
—–
Part 2: immersion
Chi is flowing, blood is flowing, energy is growing, awareness lives in every cell
the mind is calm, the emotions have been opened and released
tensions are minute, my movements are fluid
I move with such grace, most people hold tensions, holding on for years and years
I carry as much tension as a baby bouncing on his mothers knee
The I that resolves to dissolve is not the I that solves problems
The one who entered this song, is not the same soul who is dancing
coming now into silent meditation I simply observe the breath
watching its movement

something peculiar is happening

no longer am I breathing the breath
I am simply observing the breath as it breathes itself
No longer am I identified with my emotions, so I watch them from above, as if I’ve been lifted up
I am not my body
I am not my mind
I see myself as if from a higher perspective
a higher Self
from self to SELF
—–
I am what I am
I am my identification
If I am identified with my emotions, caught up in their energy, absorbed in embodying my actions without observation I am lost in them
Yet there is another way
you are your awareness
You can expand your awareness and your identification
You can be it all
Do you know what its like to be a star?
Shining the light of world for all to see
Do you wish to be a tree? Stable in meditation, breathing pure life energy
Do you wish to know what its like to be me? Look in my heart and come see
we are all connected
—-
If I am not my body, my mind, my emotions…if I am not the individual and limited perspective of self I walk around with, I never was, and I can never die
This Self, this higher self, this state of being…There is insight here
knowledge beyond books
intuitive understanding beyond the beyond
When i get out of my own way, when I stop listening to experts, when I decondition my programming I connect with the light within, I am without problems
Rest here in eternity, and there is no fear
The answers aren’t all revealed, but trust the oversoul and the path is clear
guided and gifted
letting go is giving way to god
Or perhaps gods
or no god at all
the mouth noises don’t matter
praise dog
woof
The infinite is not the limited
The word is a symbol pointing towards the divine, it is not the divine
The divine is in all things
or not
once again, just words
——————–
Its possible to make meaning of meaningless patterns
Its possible to cause problems when all is perfect
problems give us an identity, we cling to our problems as if they were part of our person
giving up your problems is as hard as giving up your coffee
people find it hard to give up anything they have been conditioned to do repetitively, even if its harmful, even if its positive
give your life away and receive everything
the more you have the less meaningful each individual thing becomes
Have a few things, and those things are not taken for granted, they are special
you won’t toss them away, like you toss away last years clothes, last years model car, or yesterdays friends
———
i remember the day I gave my life away
I remember the day I said fuck it
I’ll just do what my heart wants
If I become poor so be it
If I am hated so be it
Ill speak my truth
I’ll speak without filter, it will get me in trouble, I will speak untrue things, and I will hurt people… but I will learn from my mistakes. I won’t try and be a good person, I won’t try and be a bad person
I don’t try
I don’t care
By not trying to be a good person based on what I’ve read or heard or seen, then there is room for the intuitive intelligence of the higher Self to act through me
I simply dance
and sing
make art
help
heal
eat
sleep
and play with my belly button
——