Manifesting a soul mate and living purpose


In the picture you’ll find a list I wrote in 2019.

It was one of several lists I made of the qualities I was searching for in a relationship.

Today I blessed it with a tear drop – a symbolic offering of the emotional energy I am cultivating in myself.

It’s been ~4 years since my last deep relationship.
Several years to alter my life trajectory, to heal my sexuality, to be living my purpose, to learn to walk in harmony with the earth, and to develop the self-compassion and resilience to be the man I want to be.
….
I’m currently on my 8th week in an evolutionary cycle, which has included ceremonies every weekend (breath, plant medicines, yoga, fasting, no sleeping, etc).

In under a week and half I take a few weeks off to sit with Ayahuasca and journey into the forest to do a vision quest with no food or water.

These ceremonies will continue, as this is my way…

I’m calling in my life’s purpose in a radical way. I know I’ll need to move my physical location, and to upgrade my capacities, to reach more people, and to have the deep listening to follow my heart to find a partner.

The process I have been moving through has brought up many wounds I hold that I have been ready to see, feel, and heal.

I am processing what a balanced life of dedicated spiritual practice, worldly service, and love may look like.

Healing self-abuse, and cultivating a deep self-compassion.

Learning to walk in harmony with the earth.

Healing multi-generational wounds.

Learning to use my voice, my dance, and my gifts.

Listening to my body, to learn the unique external
conditions that I need to thrive.

It’s been a rollercoaster of bliss and pain.

I’ve been curled in a ball crying more in the past few weeks, then perhaps my whole life up until now.

For the first time in years, I’ve even doubted my faith.

The healing process often involves a breakdown and a breaking open, in order to have a break-through.

Narrowing in on my future relationship.

I’ve felt her.

On dozens of occasions, I’ve been raptured by emotional waves of future events. Though these events have not taken place, they have been stronger than anything I’ve experienced in this lifetime.

For example, I’ve felt into the future, of what it will be like to hold my beloved hand as she gives birth, and it has crippled me to my knees.

These emotional waves hit unexpectedly, one time I was driving the sea to sky highway and had to pull over because I almost lost control of my body and crashed.

For the past few years these experiences have shook me to my core. It is why I practice for hours a day, and push my body to it’s limits. I’ve felt the future, and I’m preparing.

To feel the future can cause powerful activations… when I measure the man I will be, and will need to be to hold down the life I will be living, to the man I am now.

In some sense I have taken these 4 years to build a foundation of my life and my work, so that when I am ready for a relationship, we have a place for which to grow.

On another level, I have also been resistant to relationship. My previous relationship patterned my nervous system with many stories. We struggled to do our inner work, to develop our purpose, and manage our relationship.

Part of the reason I have avoided a relationship for 4 years is because at the time I was not able to organize my life in such a way as to develop my full potential. I was in a job I hated, and not making any financial progress to work myself out of that situation. I needed space to sort myself out, and organize my roots.

Now that the ground is fertile, it has become clear that part of my purpose is to find my soul mate, and raise the next generation of earth inheritors.

And by good grace, I know that it is already done, and that I have only to live in good alignment, with faith and virtue.

So then, where I’m at now is feeling dark. Doubt, stress, and breaking down are a regular part of my day. I’m surrendered to the process and will bow to what is, to clear what is needed.

By good grace I have been carried by the wings of eagles, by my community, and by the earth.

Thanking my family, friends, teachers, guides, and ancestors.

Bowing to the process.

Thank you to those who read these words, sending you love and the courage to move towards your destiny with certainty.

  • Aya

journey beyond sanity – the tale of two lovers.

She was the jewel of all lovers. A single taste of her nectar could convince a man he need not breath to live, but her alone.

He was no ordinary man.

Even the universe itself could not have predicted this match.
Their meeting was a match, that would burn to flame.

He was surfing on 4 days without food or water.
She was an oasis.

His past patterns of control had done him well in the world.
But, love is not for the controlling.
Love is for the those who are willing to surrender.

Two lovers must become bamboo – to bend and never break.

She wore all the right things, and at times she wore nothing.
As free as the wind in the trees.

Her inner cosmos was glistening with glitter and ice.
He became lost in her garden.

He let her into his mind.
And everything changed.

Love rearranged right and wrong, and he began to see the world from a new way.
But, lovers can love deeply, and die tomorrow.
The stories we write are snowflakes falling from heaven.
When they land on the earth, their time is limited.

A fracture, and they both split.

She would go on sit with the wisest spirit of the forest.
He would journey to the desert, only to forget her name.

Sometimes we forget the most important things, only to remember them when the time is right.
Like our previous births and deaths. A little mystery goes a long way in eternity.
He would find other lovers.
His garden would grow rich with flowers from all across the land.
And every once in awhile the wind would whisper a song he had long forgotten.
He would feel a sadness that he could not name.

She would go on to grow a garden that kings and queens would come far to see.
They would offer her gold and frankincense.
But she would not give her garden away.
She lived in that garden. She danced and cried in the garden.
And every night she would die, only to be reborn in the morning.

Eternity passed and evolution acted in the ordinary way.

Then, beyond the knowing the seer, a fateful tear dropped from his eye and slipped right through the earth. This tear dropped through and through, and until it landed on the cheek of you know who.

She was dancing at the time, but with this single drop of peculiar rain, her dance ended and many of her flowers died.

In a moment he remembered the reason for which he was born…and he set sail to find the love that once was.
But, he was not met with ease and grace.
He travelled through kingdoms of fire and ice.
The trails he was tasks with took his riches, and he nearly gave up hope. He gave up everything he had, and he had to – for there are some places that you cannot go, until you surrender to love.

She heard from the wind that he was near.
It tore her apart to remember the love they had and lost.
She painted all her red roses black, and she buried her lotus flowers in the mud.

And she also gave birth to new life, and the oceans were never so rich and plentiful.
On the day they came to meet once again, a child was born.
It was not their child, but when true lovers meet, something beautiful is always created, in one world or another.

He had envisioned rising up to meet her, instead he fell to his knees.
She saw him, and with grace she let him into her garden.

As he walked closer, she noticed the lotus’s rose from the mud.

He thought, “what to say, when there is nothing to say?”
She wondered, “why has he come all this way to stand there in silence?”

The moment was peculiar, because love decided it to be that way – not all love is a fairy tale, there are parts which are ghastly and others that define bliss.

For all he had done in all the 3 world, he came across quite odd and awkward.
Despite her garden being so beautiful that kings would offer their greatest treasures, she felt she was not enough.
And in seeing this side of themselves they knew there was only one answer to be free.
To cast aside all judgement and let love by thy guide.
For they had achieved much in the world, and it proved to be nothing in the all-seeing eye of love.

They humbled themselves before one another, and spoke their lovers’ vows: I’m sorry, I ask for your forgiveness, I thank you, I love you.

After offering their life to love, they were surprised that they did not transcend.
Instead, they were cast into a normal human form.
They soon forgot about the infinite gardens and trails they had been through.
They forgot how to ride the wind, and how to create stars.
They worked the earth’s soil, and the days were long.
But, they never forgot love, and they were eternally grateful to have each other.

They lived a good long life, and had children that would come to grow great gardens.
Then they both became old and fragile.

Then one Sunday, when the sun was shining bright, she became ill.
Bed-ridden, he cared for her, but he too was becoming old.
They would lie in bed together, in pain and love.
They had few words to say, and she began to lose her voice.

One morning she did not wake up.
He awoke from a terrible dream, only to find an even more terrifying reality.
He cried and cried.
And eventually he died.

But, they had children, who now had children.
And those children began to remember something their parents forgot.
The children began to feel the sadness in the wind.
They began to remember the love that never dies.

And so this story can’t end so long as gardens grow and stars shine.
Love will always find a way.

Small choices to shift your mind

  1. When you walk through a doorway- affirm, breath consciously, or smile
  2. Check your bank account daily and then think of 3 things your grateful for
  3. If you are about to do something (eat, drink, work, drive, etc) and you want to experience it deeper… pause, take a breath, then dive in totally.
  4. Want to be more conscious? Try and keep an orientation to where the sun in the sky is, and the cardinal directions (N, S, E, W)
  5. Bless and/or give gratitude before drinking water or eating
  6. Hum during the day- humming produces nitric oxide in the nose which is a vasodilator (opens blood vessels) for the lungs
  7. When you wash, touch your whole body with love
  8. When you interact with others, set your intentions to consciously direct how you want to treat them.
  9. When conversing, practice being completely receptive when someone else is speaking- which involves focusing your awareness on them with such totality that your thinking stops
  10. When something seems out of order or you make a mistake, spin around or dance for a moment, then get curious as to what pathway has now become available
  11. Have a morning and evening routine that serves you and is attainable for your life
  12. When you speak, consider the emotional quality of your words – which is valuable self knowledge and can help us to be more gracious in conversation with others
  13. Appreciate earth, wind, water, and fire when you can
  14. Wiggle your toes and connect with the souls of your feet and breath low and slow to keep calm
  15. Make friends with yourself by practicing self love

Thank you for listening

The Heart of Duality – Taking a leap in life – Surrendering to the breath

In the heart of duality lies a sacred relationship between opposites.
I call it the heart of duality, because it is through love that we transcend the duality.

“To truly integrate the understanding of duality is to love both polarities as one”

Meaning: life is a series choices, each is a fork in the road – both paths create separate timelines and realities – at one level of being in the world, one’s preference is always for the easy road, the warm road, the road to riches, and the good path. However, in one’s resistance to the hard road, the cold road, the path of poverty, and the dark path, they create duality. This fundamental preference for one state and a resistance to another is a psychological knot that prevents higher states of consciousness.

So then, when one is willing to open themselves to life, in all her fullness, and meet her with love…then doors one thought could never open, do indeed open… for new paths and patterns through this maze of life begin to reveal themselves only when we surrender to duality.

I’ve recently made leap forward. – Leap is appropriate here because it was not a step, it was multiple steps at once.
I’ve set my standards to be a millionaire and to work with healers from around the world, and create the highest quality and standards of breathwork, movement, and medicine ceremony. I have let go of my stability, and made a commitment to walk this way, with love and trust.

What I’m essentially asking of myself is that I’m willing to live a higher standard. I have chosen this way because of good guidance, love, and a deep knowing that I have to do this, though it will take everything I have – a worthy offering for the gift of life.
In this task, I am required to surrender to poverty, to fear, to insecurity, to missing out, to grasping, to making cosmic mistakes with repercussions…and on the list goes.

The last time I made a leap I had to stop eating to keep up with the bills, at times I would be driving 20+ hours a week to find clients, and the list goes on… that was child’s play. This is a dive into the cosmic ocean.

I walk this way because it is my understanding that the highest potential I have will be found through the mastering of the archetype of the magician and healer, teacher, and poet. I have been called to work with the most powerful medicines and healers because it is a world I love.

There is a weight that I have assumed since making my leap. My bones feel heavy as higher levels of light pour down. Which is much appreciated because when insecurity hits, the legs, stability, and the root system is the first to go. There is a responsibility and slowness that is required to cultivate enough mindfulness and awareness.

For when one assumes a new standard, all their choices must then be weighed to their new ideal, this consumes a large quantity of energy and awareness.

The higher one’s consciousness is, the more one’s individual decisions must benefit the collective.

When one takes a leap, they must be willing to surrender to that which they resist, for there is wisdom there, and often we must make the hero’s journey down into the depths of our own underworld to purify, purify, purify.

Every thought, word, and deed is assessed by one’s own internal judge and measured to the new standard. This requires a level of sophistication and control. The higher standard must be ingrained in the patterns of the system for a prolonged period for them to become habit.

This time is a trial.

The trail for me, to keep my heart open, my eye fixed on my dream and purpose, and my body strong and yet full of surrender. It is a prayer I hold in my heart for the all – to be uplifted by love, to banish fear, and follow your highest prayer for all beings.

In the next two months I will be leading retreats, offering ceremony, sitting in ceremony, and taking part in multiple sweats, a 4-day dry fast vision quest, and other practices that will purify and prepare my mind and body for the new vibrational standard I have set.

It is my great honour to hold this world and all beings in my heart, though it is a heavy task at times, I would see it no other way. My soul is clear, and I choose to follow the highest path I know.
By the end of this venture, I will be operating from a new center of being, and thus, this will be good-bye. But, then again, we are always saying hello, and good-bye.

This is the breath, this is life, a coming into existence and surrendering out. This basic duality is the love of the great spirit. Through loving the birth and accepting the death we transcend and know eternal life. This is the cosmic reality of every breath. The earthly reality is that we are always breathing in new opportunities to love and choose a new path, and we are always presented with the capacity to surrender to the existence we are given. In the breath, and in the duality, we learn the two fundamental teachings, effort and surrender. When these are mastered through the heart of love, then anything becomes possible.

I have dreamed a dream so marvelous that it makes me bow down with reverence and honour the earth and those who touch it. My prayer is to inspire others to live in this good way. Breathing in with direction and purpose, exhale with surrender and ease. My prayer is for all beings to know they are free. My prayer is for each person to know their soul, and see their spirit in all things. To know the song of world, the divine dance of the cosmos, and their sacred role as creator and care-taker.

Gracias. Danke. Grazie. Obrigado, Merci, Thank you.

I love you.

What to do, when you don’t know what to do

There are times when something must be done!
There are times when there is a way, but the way must be found.
Here is a list of things that can be done when you are looking to find clarity of mind/emotion/body.

  1. Breathe
  • The first and most fundamental decision one can make is to turn within and consciously connect with the breathing process.
  • The breathing process is related to the processing of content through the nervous system (mental, emotional, and sense data) – the more consciously we breath, the more resources our body has to process content, and the greater our capacity to be conscious of what is being processed.
  • When the natural processing of information has made its cycles through the system it will be integrated, felt, and the wisdom received – which offers guidance, clarity, and good decision making. Note: effective consciously connected breathing is one of the most effective ways to process information, and it is best learnt from a professional.
  • Good decision making comes when we are consciously connected to the various intelligences of the body. When I say various intelligences, I am making a commentary that every cell in your body gives and receives energy and intelligence (information), and specific areas of the body process and give access to varying amounts and different kinds of intelligence (example, the heart, the brain, and enteric or gut nervous system are major processing points). We only have access to these various intelligences when we are consciously connected to them, meaning we are conscious of them and are breathing awareness into them. Therefore, when one turns within and taps into the breathing process, they are connected with the larger intelligence of the system, which knows the way.
  1. Move
  • To most effectively tap into the internal wisdom of the body, movement is vital. But, it is not simply moving….people are moving all day, all the time. It is about intelligent movement. The intelligence of a movement or a movement practice depends on the consciousness of the individual. The more aware, connected, and integrated (between mind/body/emotion) an individual is, the greater intelligence of their movements.
  • To find out what movements are required depends upon a deep listening, or a tuning in to the body….then a conscious decision to shift one’s body and breath in many fashions to experiment with curiosity and then to find which is the right combination of movements to find harmony. It is a process of listening to the cellular intelligence, and allowing the movements to be guided from an internal allowing…it is a practice that develops into a second nature with regular recurrence.
  • Movements and their possible effects: Clearing energy, celebration, empowerment – Dance.

Stability, focus, control, devotion – Yoga.

Empowerment, drive, resilience – Martial Arts.

Self-healing, meditative, sensitivity – Qigong.

Relaxation, clarity of thought, creative thinking – Walking.

Linear processing, steadiness, absorption – Running.

Empowerment, protection, confidence – Weight lifting.

  1. Meditation
  • To meditate, is to become receptive…it is a deep listening.
  • Meditation is observation without analysis.
  • Pure witnessing.
  • When one becomes an effective observer they have a capacity to witness the mind/emotion/body, without getting caught in their processing flow…one then has access to observe the information from a different perspective
  • Meditation offers a sense of centering, and it requires we surrender to fully receive.
  1. Breath, move, meditate.
  • So then, we have 3 foundational practices which all help to turn the awareness within and help to process information (mental, emotional, and sense data), to tune into the wisdom of the body, and to fully surrender. These tools work best when practiced every day. They will offer a way through life of ease and direction, and it will be guided from the heart.
  • If your new to these practices or don’t feel your doing them effectively, I encourage you to reach out and learn these practices and receive their wisdom – your wisdom.

I offer 1-on-1 meditation, movement, and breathwork sessions that draw on wisdom from many cultures and traditions, and never have two sessions that are similar. Each visit is a deep dive into your subconscious mind which will help you process, integrate, and move forward with ease and grace.
I offer online and in-person.

Reach out today and let’s be connected.